In city specially, more and more people opt for keeping a pet (usually dog / cat) as a love substitute. Single male or female, keep a pet and treated them as their lover or even “zhai zhai” / “lui lui” (own child). And they think that pet could be the substitute of love.
In a book written by a clinical psychiatric, he commented that pet can never be a substitute of love. The reason being is that the communication level towards a pet can never be the same as to another human being. Usually, the communication to the pet is categorized as single way. We can talk to the pet, but the pet cannot talk back to us. We willingly believe that we love our pet and the pet love us back. Subconsciously, we cannot divide ourselves and the pet as two separate objects. As we cannot read the mind of our pet, thus not realized that they have they own wills, opinions and thoughts. Most of the time, we give command to our pet and wanting them to be the shadow of our thought. Unlike pet, human have own thoughts and will. Without building the real love, couple will fight over every disagreement on thoughts. They can also ignore and reluctant listen or do as what we wish for. Thus, pet keeping cannot nurture real love, and of course it is not a substitute of love.
Yet, a sad phenomenon is growing in our society. More people are getting the wrong definition of love. As love being the totally surrender of another party to their will / thoughts. Partly is because we are educated since young with the misconception about love. Remember the childhood story of the prince and princess live happily ever after, once they are united? The parts where the prince and princess nurture their love, and go through the challenges are always missing and omitted. So, there are not lacking on the story and fantasy of “the one” meant for you in your love life. Once you find “the one” in your life, he or she is perfectly suits you. Thus, you’ll have similar thoughts, everything is oneness. And all these make BIG misconceptions about love.
I am also a product of these misconceptions education. And I am thankful to learn part of the misconceptions. Seeing that love itself is much bigger than what I thought of. And love is much bigger than just marriage, oneness and selfishness of being align with our thoughts…
Thursday 25 June 2009
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For me I believe that you DO NOT actually FIND 'the one'. Rather you slowly mold and shape 'the one' as you build a relationship.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people are trying to find their 'other half' or 'the one'. Let me ask you this : How can your 'other half' or 'the one' prepare himself/herself to be your perfect match when he/she has not even met you yet??!!
Thing is once you find someone that you can love and can love you back and you both have decided to make the relationship work, that's the time when each of you will slowly become 'the one' for your partner.
You will learn to accept your partner for who he/she is rather than who you want him/her to be. You will learn to adjust to his/her quirks and will put an effort to make the relationship grow.
Then over time, you will realise that he/she will have become 'the one'. It's not a one way process. It's a mutual effort to see the relationship through thick and thin, good and bad.
NEVER, EVER go into a relationship wanting and hoping that you can change your partner. It will never happen. No one can CHANGE ANYBODY but himself/herself.
And stop doubting if the person you are with is really 'the one' for you. Questions like "Maybe 'the one' for me will be the next person I have a relationship with" serves only to push up breakup and divorce rates. When you truly believe that the person that you're with is 'the one' then he or she will be 'the one' for you.
Thank you. And what you mentioned is the work of love.
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